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Back to Helsinginkatu 10: Chapter 8 Back to Helsinginkatu 10: Chapter 8
by Thanos Kalamidas
2010-06-16 08:19:46
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8. Feeling god and coffee with Pekka

It was one of those mornings. Everybody has this image of the prisoner chained to a huge heavy black iron ball; well that’s how I feel a lot of times with my diabetes. I feel that it is the huge heavy iron ball and it is there to remind me how fragile human body really is.

You know, in many ways I’ve been very lucky, until my mid forties I had a very exciting and adventures life. Because of my work or better thanks to my works I saw places other people just dream about, I met people who are legends and I lived, I lived in fast forward. In my mid twenties I had already a book published and I had seen my work rewarded in the highest level.  In my thirties I had reached the pick of my professional career becoming the youngest in my field to lead teams of the size of a small country. And even though not the materialistic type I had the chance to fulfil every single materialistic dream I had including a Porsche 911. 70s model, the one with the smooth curvy backside and of course colour red.

But as I said I lived everything in fast forward and as my best friend says I burned the thermostat and it came the time to pay the bill. And it was a very twisted bill, revenge of nature. Diabetes is a very viperfish and dangerous enemy and I tried to ignore for years but when it came the time he gave me a lesson to never ignore. So nowadays I have bad days, very bad days and sometimes good days but its there all the time reminding me how fragile my body is and most importantly that I’m not a god.

You see for years climbing every single mountain I wished to I started believing that nothing could stop me and ironically my first lesson I got it very early, in my mid twenties. I spent six years studying something I really loved and when I came out of the college with a master degree I felt that the world was there waiting for me to save everybody. Soon I found out that I was there to help not to save and the helping process was a long one and it took a lot of patience and time. I had already rejected the opportunity of a PhD stating that I was there not for an academic career but to save souls – I actually still have a notebook where I wrote my whole thought. Accidentally the very same period I was finishing my master degree I did study something totally different having this weird idea that it would help me with my big savour plan.

As I said soon I found out that I could not save everybody, actually I found out that I could not save anybody and in the end of the day I was the one who needed help most to deal with reality so I turned to my second degree. But in the meantime I had got my lesson, or at least that what I used to say. You see once more life drove me to a career that has absolutely nothing to do with my two degrees and as I said I had a quite successful career in high speed and fast forward and of course … I burned my thermostat. Nowadays I have to live with this reality, that I have a burned thermostat and that I have to live in slow motion with some bad days, some really bad days and some good days.

When I’m saying bad days don’t think anything really dramatic. I think part of it is that I still haven’t compromise with the idea that from one side I’m getting older and from the other that I cannot do things the way I did those ten or twenty years ago. I find it sad myself but sometimes looking at a mirror I cannot recognize my own self. I still think if me like I was in my thirties. But as I said reality cought up with me and here I was in one of those mornings I find difficult to do anything and the only thing I can actually do is …take it easy!

The morning was one of those Finnish summer mornings when it’s raining all the time but you can feel how healthy this rain it is. Having born in a country where in the summer everything looks burned and the grass has a bright yellow colour to see the green grass in the garden is something really healthy and I do enjoy the smells after the rain. So I got out of the bed with an effect, I made a cup of strong coffee and after having taken all my morning pills I stepped out the patio to enjoy my morning cigarette. It was already ten o’clock so Leena had finished with her morning walk around with her cat and most of the people in the neighbourhood had either left for work or for shopping. So here I was empty minded smoking and watching the rain falling with nobody around and all gray above.

“Good morning!” I hadn’t seen him coming and I have to admit that he made me jump something that definitely made him smile. Good morning Pekka, are you ok? Fancy a cup of coffee? “If it is a cappuccino with a lot of milk…” he answered walking to the patio and sitting at the bench that I keep in the patio. Cappuccino it is, I said and I gone inside to prepare his coffee. The last couple of years a lot of coffee makers are making some kind of instant cappuccino. Nothing to do with the real thing but good enough especially compare to the usual filter coffee and easy to make it light with a bigger portion of milk. Pekka always drunk his with a lot of milk, not a smoker himself, actually he never had a cigarette all his life he is one of those who drink coffee the same way they drink milk, quickly. Me! Well I might have a cup of coffee lasting for a whole day!

“I don’t really want to go home now; I want to calm down a bit before going home. I had a very …strange night!” and saying that I remembered the way he stormed to the streets the night before. Is Mina ok? Mina is his wife, suffering from MS and stuck on a wheelchair the last five years. “She’s fine, thanks god it is summer and summer is always better with her pains!” what happened last night? I had to ask and strangely with him arriving and feeling that there was something going on I was feeling a bit better, perhaps insulin had hit as well and that always helps.

Oh, please Pekka, I’m going to find out from the news and internet anyway, you can tell me a few things and don’t worry I’m not going to write about it. That was a joke between us and had its beginning to a film we had watched a couple of years together where the policeman was the constant informer of a reporter who found himself in trouble all the time. Pekka smiled and started the same way he had written his report this morning.

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papi2010-06-16 18:41:38
για λέγε,για λέγε....
μα τι κόλλημα έχω φάει δε λέγεται!

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