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Angels without Wings Angels without Wings
by Chad Norman
2009-02-05 10:01:42
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According to tradition, the sounding of a bell signals that an angel has received his wings, giving him the power to fly and to become a guardian angel. What most people do not know is that the amount of angels waiting for their wings is in the millions, close to three million.

Before the angels are given wings and the title of “guardian angel” is bestowed upon them, they have to go through a rigorous battery of tests; they have to study Religion, Languages, Philosophy, Sociology, Psychology, Astronomy, Aviation, and Meteorology. They must receive a PHD degree in each of those disciplines. When taking the final tests, they must pass with a minimum of 75 correct answers out of 100.

Most angels can’t pass the exams the first time and remain just plain angels. They have to work “indoors”, not being able to fly around or to become guardian angels. As years go by, the angels become overweight and even if they complete all the exams, and are given the wings, they can’t fly because they have become obese. Becoming a guardian angel is a long process, it can take several hundred years. This is the reason why there is a shortage of guardian angels all over the world.

At the present rate, it is estimated that one guardian angel has to protect and help about five hundred thousand people, which is no consolation to people who need immediate help. Many families go generation after generation without a guardian angel. That is why we see so many people without work, food, shelter or the means to acquire the bare necessities of life.

The heavenly office of professional licensing should be more lenient in letting the angels pass the tests on the first try. There should be some type of “affirmative action”, that way mankind can have more guardian angels.

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Emanuel Paparella2009-02-05 15:11:45
Is there a veiled suggestion to college professors in that last paragrph? If so, I'll take it under consideration as soon as I get a valid answer to the proverbial medeieval question: how many angels can one fit on the head of a pin?

AP2009-02-05 15:34:31
Funny :)

Rene Davila2009-02-06 04:11:54
Professor Paparella, the original question was: How many angels can dance on the point of a needle? Throughout the years it changed to: how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?- nowdays is how many angels can stand on the head of a pin?
According to the book Mathematics and the Divine by T Koetsier, page 251, under the heading "Swester Katrei and Gregory of Rimini" - Tell me daughter he said, doctors declare that in heaven a thousand angels can stand on the point of a needle (tusent selen siczen in dem himelrich uff einer nadel spicz) - so the answer is: one thousand.

Emanuel Paparella2009-02-07 14:27:10
Bravo. And now I have another question: which came first the angel or the needle? Berkley can be helpful here. After we answer that question correctly we may request of the divinity tha assignment of more, much needed, guardian angels.

Rene Davila2009-02-07 16:01:26
Acording to Berkeley's philosophy, needle and angel do not exist, they are just perceived by our minds. He concluded that the universal mind within which we commonly perceive all things is God, therefore, I venture to say that the angels came first because they are the closest perceived beings to the Heavens, to God.

Emanuel Paparella2009-02-07 19:00:48
And yet, Aquinas says that it is conceivable to think of the material cosmos as eternal with God. Which of course encourages the likes of Karl Sagan to declare the cosmos his god and declare the God of Araham (as Kierkegaard conceives him)unemployed collecting welfare checks. But perhaps we do not have to choose between Aquinas and Berkeley. Do you remember what was discussed in class on the matter? Hint: the concept of emanation...Let's hope the angels are not laughing at us on pins and needles.

Rene Davila2009-02-07 23:46:02
Was that the concept that man was not created, rather, "emanated" from God?
Angels are part of this "emanation" ( one thousand at a time?)

Emanuel Paparella2009-02-08 16:33:30
Indeed! Whether it is 1000 at a time I'll have to ask my guardian angel when he comes around. Both Aquinas and Berkeley have the notion that were we as a race of humans vanish some day (a distinct possibility)the cosmos would still be there because it is in the mind of God. If God were not minding the cosmos it would vanish too. So, not only he is not unemployed, he is very much needed. Sagan must be turning in his grave.

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