Ovi Magazine : The Dragon Who Did Not Have Bad Breath by Chad Norman

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The Dragon Who Did Not Have Bad Breath
by Chad Norman
2009-01-04 10:58:19

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As we all know, dragons have bad breath. The main reason being that when they spit fire, it leaves their mouth with the smell of burnt putrid flesh.

There was this particular dragon living in the mountains of Kariskitan in Eastern Europe who not only did not have bad breath, but he did not spit fire, instead, he spat flowers of all kinds of colors and fragrances. The villagers living around the mountains figured this was very strange, but they did not do anything about it. It was not on their “to do” priority list.

One time, the village was on the brink of extinction because a pack of ferocious wolves were attacking and killing their domestic animals and also a couple of old people had been killed and devoured by these horrible predators.

The villagers could not call on the dragon because, obviously, he could not get rid of the wolves with flowers. The villagers decided to find out why the dragon could not be ferocious and spit fire like a normal dragon. They hired a psychoanalyst, who happened to be Dr. Phil who was very familiar with the behavioral patterns of dragons.

Dr. Phil studied this dragon and put him through a grilling questioning. He found out that instead of killing animals, the dragon played with dolls, in fact, he had a large collection of Barbie dolls. After Dr. Phil insulted the dragon making him feel worthless, the dragon, all in tears, confessed that he was gay and would never harm anyone, never the less, kill anyone. From that day on, the dragon was left alone and he became a recluse, but always hoping that someday he would meet the “prince charming” he so much desired.

As for the wolves, the villagers allowed the Chinese Army to kill them and take them to China, so they could be cooked and served as a delicacy on the streets of Hong Kong, and if I am not mistaken, the Chinese sent the meat as hamburgers to the US.

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Sand	2009-01-04 11:22:23
As physiologists have revealed, normal digestive processes generate methane gas which is inflammable and it is well known that dragons capture this gas and pipe it to their hollow tongues where it is emitted at the tip as a steady stream. Dragon teeth have been chemically analyzed and it seems they contain a high percentage of flint which easily creates sparks when struck. In this manner the clashing of dragon teeth ignite the stream of flammable methane. Examination of Neanderthal caves clearly indicate the Neanderthals kept small dragons as pets for lighting their cigars and cigarettes and unfortunately, it has been determined, the demise of the Neanderthals was due to excessive use of tobacco and resulting lung cancer.


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-04 11:28:24
Intriguing story. Echoes of “Puff the Magic Dragon” ? I think I’ll suggest this metaphor of the dragon in my next first class on the philosophy of art due to begin soon, followed by this question: “Is Plato correct in suggesting that anything that does not represent ontologically existing entities is not art? How does one explain the persistence of dragons in much of medieval art, not excluding those depicted on Gothic cathedrals?” On the other hand, one can take the metaphor of the dragon representing evil and transpose it to the ontological world with the expression “dragon breath” to identify somebody with really bad breath. Would Plato consider the expression aesthetically pleasing or would he ban dragons from the polis together with most poets?


Sand	2009-01-04 11:35:06
More to the point would Plato have preferred Coke over Pepsi and what would he have thought of Hawaiian pizzas with chunks of pineapple?


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-04 11:59:57
Ah, people bereft of imagination usually imagine the past as the present. Reflecting in The New Science on the possibilities and privileges of historical knowledge, in contrast with those of the natural sciences, Vico tried to reconcile two apparently incompatible features of our past and of our relation to our past: first, that cultures and languages are incurably diverse, each limited by their distinguishing customs and traditions and not capable of mutual understanding: secondly, that all the gentile nations participate in a single and providential march of mind and they can each learn to recognize how far they have gone in this march, too far toward decadence, for instance, or not far enough for maturity. Providence, Vico argued, has supplied us with this key to the interpretation of our own history in Europe and to the interpretation of the ancient world. (continued below)


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-04 12:00:23
Vico's philosophy was to offer a saving self-consciousness. Given this reconciliation of the unity and the diversity of mankind, we have an answer ready for the skeptics and relativists who deny any validity and lasting value to the particular notions of justice and morality that happen to prevail at one particular time. The particular notions have their assigned place in the pattern, and this order of things is God's design. Any particular notion of justice is contingent upon its historical setting, but the appropriate setting is still underwritten by God's providence. It is as if God created the framework and the imagination of men filled in the different languages and institutions that composed the different nations.


Alan	2009-01-04 12:10:30
Really good :)


Sand	2009-01-04 14:56:17
And then, of course, maybe it all just accumulated randomly. With or without dragons.


Chris	2009-01-04 17:03:36
Was this gay dragon a closet hetro, who just couldn't find a mate of his own species?


T.G. Zucker	2009-01-05 04:36:23
Tell us more.


A.P.	2009-01-05 06:33:31
Yes, we want to know how Dr. Phil apologized and if the chinese hamburgers produced werewolves in the U.S.


Rene Davila	2009-01-05 20:59:17
I really appreciate all the comments, thank you all.I am glad that the story "touched" a few people. In response to Chris; after checking the dragon's birth certificate and medical records, the conclusion is that he was born that way. To A.P.; Dr. Phil apologized by providing the dragon with two tickets to participate in "the Jerry Springer Show" live in Chicago. There is a confirmed case of one American who ate the wolfe's hamburguers and later became a werewolf. He went to London, disguised as a tourist, to devour a few Londoners. As a matter of fact, a movie was made about this occurrance; remember John Landis'movie:"An American Werewolfe In London"?


AP	2009-01-06 01:48:01
Excellent :)


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-06 10:09:22
Interesting stuff. The version I grew up with listening to "Puff, the magic dragon..." as sung by Peter, Paul and Mary in the sixties, has it that the dragon did in fact become a recluse by the sea but that was because he was depressed about the fact that his playmate, Jack Paper, would not play with him any longer thinking that he now was a respectable scientist who dealt with reality and not with magic dragons any longer. Indeed, myths are timeless. Another idea for the class on aestethics? Perhaps.


AP	2009-01-07 05:10:29
And then the dragon got inside a cave by the sea and there was a werewolf who asked for his passport. As he was a Londoner, the werewolf devoured him - at least according to John Landis. Jack Paper wanted to borrow a Barbie for his daughter, from the dragon's collection, but couldn't find him: he used his GPS to find the cave and, of course, he knew many things, among which how to open a werewolf belly and take a magic dragon out of it.


AP	2009-01-07 05:17:04
ps - Peter, Paul and Mary showed up and sung a holy song. Three kings got a high speed train to the cave. The father of the newborn, a Chinese hamburguer-specialist soldier, was the last to know.


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-07 15:02:04
"...this material is derived from the racial treasure house of myths, legend and fairy tales...it seems extremely probable that myths are distorted vestiges of the wish phantasies of whole nations." (Sigmund Freud) And of course, with wish fantasies come dreams galore. Do you have a dream?


AP	2009-01-07 17:25:04
Not one derived from my cabbalistic studies and cocaine addiction.


AP	2009-01-07 17:29:28
But thanks for asking. By the way, on myths maybe it would be more wise to read levi-strauss or eliade than freud. I don't fix the car's tire reading the cooking book.


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-07 19:35:25
http://www.ovimagazine.com/art/2947 As a matter of fact I did contribute a whole article on Levi Strauss to Ovi (promptly attacked, I should add, as usual by the Grand Inquisitor in charge of political correcness in residence who has nothing to learn not only from me but from anybody else that is presented by me in this forum), but I suppose you had other fish to fry and missed it (see above link).


Emanuel Paparella	2009-01-07 19:42:19
Actually you must have read it since you commented sympathetically on it. What seems to have been missed though is the connection with Giambattista Vico which I mention at the end and is, I am convinced, a fruitful path of research. Here it is, for whatever it is worth: What is most fascinating to me in this approach to myths as an ongoing transformation is that they mirror the constantly changing reality of the ever-changing universe and suggests not only how misguided is the rejection of myths as children’s fairy tales unworthy of rational scientific man, but also that science itself may well be another developing myth of the Western imagination and its human activity. Here Giambattista Vico would supply a better explanation of myths as integral part of human history via his New Science, but that is another issue already treated in the virtual pages of this magazine.


Gustavo Velasco	2009-09-12 01:13:49
Hola Rene gracias por compartir tus fantasias con nosotros!!!!