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Lovers with gay family members Lovers with gay family members
by Annabelle Rose
2013-03-12 10:33:51
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We sat down on the sofa . I was content. I was the woman who had the man she loved beside her. There was always an understanding between us that was unsaid about our gay family members - his brother and my father - but tonight he wanted to make the unsaid talk.

“You know, it’s wrong to be gay, don’t you?”

“No it isn’t,” I said to him in a playful tone. I thought he was joking. I thought he was trying to tease me. I could never conceive of him to have anything against gay people.

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it isn’t,” I said in a clearer tone.

“It is.”

At this point I did not know what to think or how to react so I told him that we would talk about it more later. A part of me still thought he was only joking but inside I was now taking a different look at the man beside me.

A little while later out of the blue he asked me if my dad was okay with being gay. I told him that he was.

“So he wouldn’t mind then if I called him up and said hi faggot?”

At that moment he stopped and avoided eye contact. He knew what he had just said was out of line and he knew I was stunned. Before I could shake off my shock he changed the topic in a rush. I had never known denial more than I did then.

What we do for love.


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Thanos2013-03-12 10:38:50
Thank you for sharing Annabelle. I have a gay close family member and I'm very aware of all the difficulties and the little or big battles they have to go through and not only them but their whole families. Sometimes – and having lived with them some odd situations - I feel that prejudice is the call time lethal human disease.

Eva2013-03-12 10:55:08
Prejudice where you least expect it. This left a sad and uneasy feeling. I hope that you have been able to get past it, and that you and your dad continue to being okay with him being gay. All the best.

Thanos2013-03-12 10:58:38
I meant the contemporary lethal human disease!

Emanuel Paparella2013-03-12 12:20:44
A few musings on this subject: to return to the clarification of Professor Philip Jenkins between homosexuality and pedophilia which seems to have gone right over everybody’s head, what is reprehensible about people who use any institution to hide their sexual orientation, is the hiding and even the denying of their sexuality, whatever orientation it may have. If a nun denied her sexuality and took refuge in a convent to do so, that would in itself make her a bad nun and she’d be better off consulting a psychiatrist in this regard rather than her father confessor. It is not the abstinence that is bad; one can choose to be married or celibate in one’s life, but the denial and the hiding.

Sex is a good of human nature, when properly used it expresses love, until it is abused (as in rape) and then it expressed hate and it becomes “dirty,” so to speak.

Both the playboy and the puritan exhibit extreme positions toward sex: the puritan says “what belongs to the soul is good and clean, what belongs to the body is bad and dirty, therefore sex a necessary evil…the less the better for the health of my soul” the playboy (Hugh Heffner jumps to mind) says “sex is a toy and a pleasure and is good for the health of my psyche, the more the better...” Both groups of people have made sex an hygenic concern good or bad for one's soul or body, both lose sight of the deep interpersonal phenomenon sex is, and that the sexual act (expressing the love of husband and wife) is even used as a metaphor in the Bible (the Song of Songs)to express the love of God for his people. The misunderstood Church position on sexual orientation is that one does not deny the sexual orientation, be it straight or gay, one simply does not act on it once one has taken vows before God to abstain from it. If one cannot abstain from sex, straight or gay, one ought not join the priesthood in the Catholic Church as it is now constituted, independent of one’s sexual orientation.

The next Pope may suspend the canon law prescribing celibacy and allow priests to get married, which would not end the sex abuse by a minority or priests since sexual abuse of minors and pedophilia is even more prevalent among married men than celibate men and many of the abuses occur in families too. My o my, are we confused about this subject. It has become an obsession in the West where sex has become an idol of sort.... Perhaps it is the very nature of sex; it tends to confuse people. Fortunately we have reason to help sort those things out. I for one think that T.H. Lawerence was wholly misguided when he said that one ought to speak with one’s groin. One speaks with one’s mind. The ancient Greeks taught us that much, if nothing else.

Alan2013-03-12 12:36:56
Excellent article, brilliant addition Ovi. Welcome Annabelle Grant-Burdett

Murray Hunter2013-03-12 13:34:28
Annabelle, welcome to OVI. You never cease to amaze me how your writing can evolke the emotions of the reader. This is indeed a gift and I look forward to reading much more of yours in the future.

Leah Sellers2013-03-12 21:22:25
The World of Denial is the Purgatory/Hades all social Pariah are Forced to have to Live within and without every moment of the day.
The World of Love is One that should belong to Us All Equally, Justly and Tolerantly.
Wonderful and Courageous Work Ms. Annabelle. Thank you for Sharing your Gift and your Honest Insights.
Welcome to Ovi !

Annabelle2013-03-14 14:27:59
Thank you for your comments. I loved this man but sadly we don't see each other anymore. I hope to share more of my experiences on having a gay dad. I fully support my dad.

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