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Bilingual Iliterate: See DOS Run
by Phil Schwarzmann
Issue 11
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Computers have brought this world nothing but trouble since they came in existence.

Look at the recent Finnish Presidential elections. For those who don’t know, there’s no computers involved when you visit a Finnish voting booth.

You simply write down a number inside a circle on a piece of paper and stick it in a wooden box. Piece of cake. The U.S. had this same voting system years ago, then they tried to perfect an already perfect system by incorporating computers. Now we have recounts, voter irregularities, ballot tampering, vote rigging, loss of a paper trail, and HIV/AIDS.

How about all the jobs taken away each year by computers? Assembly workers are replaced by robots, secretaries are replaced by word processors, telephone operators are replaced by switchboards, magazine editors are replaced by online magazine editors, and wives are replaced by internet porn.

Speaking of gay porn, what is the name of that evil machine that brings smut over networks directly into our living room? No, not the Dr. Phil show, it’s a computer. And how about violent video games? We can thank computers for making today’s youth so aggressive. Remember life before violent video games? There wasn’t any violence. I can’t remember the name of that violent video game Hitler used to play, I think it was called Tetris something…but it was very bloody.

Here’s another question for you - would we have ever had to deal with computer viruses if it wasn’t for computers? And how much do we spend each year on anti-virus software? I can think of a lot better ways to spend my 50 euros with (Grand Theft Auto 3 for the XBOX comes to mind).

And how about every time your computer crashes? If we didn’t have computers, that’d never happen. Or how about all those times you read a great e-zine, only to come across a ridiculous article written by some jackass who obviously waited till last second to throw it together.

Again, computers are the culprit.

But as I sit here on my computer writing about computers, I can’t help but wonder - if my wish was granted and the world didn’t have computers, would I be able to type this article on my computer about how I hate computers?

(Did I just blow your fucking mind?!?!)

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