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Bilingual Illiterate: “Do you believe in God?”
by Phil Schwarzmann
Issue 9
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I hate when people ask this, as if it were a “yes” or “no” question. If you say “yes”, that means you’re a Christian. If you say “no”, you’re an atheist. And if you have darker skin and say “yes”, you belong to some other whacky religion. Like there’s no grey area in the issue. Personally, I think the Christians are just as whacky as the atheists, who are just as whacky as the Muslims, who are just as whacky as the Jews, who are just as whacky as the Christians.

As a recovering Catholic myself, I completely understand why people whole-heartedly believe in the Christian faith. They 1) realize there’s something else out there. 2) They believe in an afterlife. 3) They believe others are watching us, even helping us. I believed (and still do) the same things and up until not-all-that-long-ago, I assumed I was a Christian because I shared their same beliefs on the matter. Then one day I decided to actually “think” about Christianity and walked (not ran) away from it.

Christianity isn’t about being a good person and helping out your fellow man, all religions believe this and the complete non-religious belief this as well. Christianity is about history and about the afterlife, which can be ruled out very quickly if you think about it logically (we already know the Bible is bogus). You spend a few decades on Earth so this “King” can judge you at death.

If you do well, some vengeful guy (a male) let’s you enter his kingdom where you live in bliss for eternity…assuming you also spent your life worshipping him (If I were God, I wouldn’t be so conceded as to require people to worship me or else I’ll banish them to hell for all eternity – so why would the “real” God do that when a mere mortal wouldn’t?!?). And if you don’t do well, you go somewhere else which ain’t quite as cool as heaven.

What’s the point? Where’s the logic? On this earth, everything is logical – why does the logic cease as soon as we talk about the afterlife? Everything we know is logical except the afterlife, which is some fantasy story, a bad fantasy…like “Lord of the Rings” bad. Ask a Christian to defend his/her beliefs and they’ll simply say, “You need to have faith.” For everything else in this world, we use facts, logics, deduction etc.. – but when it comes to one of the most important things in our lives, we just need to have “faith”. Fuck faith.

I want to see the look on a devout Christian’s face as they enter the afterlife. They’re gonna be pretty disappointed when they discover their entire life’s belief system was a huge sham. The look on their face will be similar to all the Jews entering the afterlife, to all the Muslims entering the afterlife, and every other religious person entering the afterlife. Oh, unless you believe that there is one true religion, and you were fortunate enough to be born into a family that believed it. Or there’s multiple “Gods” and “Heavens” out there, a notion which is equally retarded.

Of course you atheists out there are saying to yourselves, “Well there IS no afterlife”. Right, like life is just some big joke, we all die and that’s it. Where’s the fucking point in that? Where’s the logic? Life is just a cruel joke by some higher being (you don’t believe that humans are the “highest” being out there, do you?), we make our little blip in this universe then that’s it. As if we’re just numbers in a giant computer, or just cogs in a wheel called the universe – No wonder why so many atheists are left-wingers, they believe the same thing about an individual’s role in society.

I believe the “fundamentals” about the afterlife and the “purpose of it all” can be figured out if you think about things logically… What’s the point of it all? Why are we here? What’s the meaning of life? Well there isn’t one answer to this - we all have our own reasons. Some want love, some want money, some want happiness, some want all three – the list could be endless.

Think about this: How would your life change if you knew for 100% fact that life goes on forever - there is no hell - that’ll you’ll have many chances to do life again and again and again?< You’d probably act pretty differently. People take their lives so seriously, because even the Pope has this little glimmer in the back of his mind that says, “Hey, maybe my beliefs aren’t exactly spot-on.” (If anyone should know this it’s the Pope, he’s spent his entire life thinking about Christianity, he’s aware of the holes.) This possibility of our own extinction forces us to do things differently than we’d normally do.

Don’t you think it’s kinda weird how we were just born out of nothing?Like before 1979, I ceased to exist.Seems kinda hard to believe – that’s because it’s not true. You and I are very special people, we’ve always been around. We’re just suffering from a temporary amnesia, and when we die we’ll wake up from it. We’ll remember the life we just lived, and all our past lives too. We’ll take what we just experienced and learn from it.

After a period of time, we’ll be reunited with our loved ones who we left on Earth when we died. When there’s no one left on Earth waiting to see us when they die, we’ll decide to head back down to Earth – or somewhere else – probably not Earth, we’ve already seen Earth (“been there, done that”). We’ll pick another place in the infinite universe, or maybe we’ll choose it’s competing universe, “Universe 2.0”. But maybe this time we’ll want to be born to a poor African mother. True, we may have chosen a tough life for ourselves, we may not last very long, but who cares, there’s a 100% chance we’ll be coming back. And you know for damn sure there’s a lot those poor Africans learn, that we’ll never understand unless we experience it for ourselves.

And maybe on our journey onto the next life our new mommy decides to abort us, no problem, we’ll just come back and try it again. Or maybe the soul doesn’t enter the body until after we’re born. Who knows, who cares - the point is, we’ll always come back and soon we’ll want to go back - and my guess is that nothing will force us - there are things we can’t experience in the afterlife that we can here, things in which we’ll want to experience again and again.

Okay, so I might have had some of you at the beginning but I’m sure I’ve lost all of you by now. Yeah, maybe my beliefs are just as whacky as the Christians. But the truth is, we’re all wrong, and it doesn’t do much good trying to making sense of it all - we won’t fully know until we die, and maybe not even then.

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