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Fin Elegy - Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 2 Fin Elegy - Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 2
by Christos Mouzeviris
2021-02-07 10:18:49
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-Your relationship with Anne was problematic from the beginning. You were both too young and immature to have self-awareness or the ability and courage to totally expose yourselves to the other, as true love requires. You were not familiar with your own dark side, to handle the others or at least understand and learn how to manage it.

You were not truly connected, thus the energy between you was weak, predominantly focusing on its lesser, sexual form. Which of course itself got weaker over time. This is something natural, since only strong bonds can survive its test, and sex is not among this kind.

You had a chance to overcome this obstacle if you did not waste too much of your attention, to satisfy your ego. If for example, you did not allow your boss to occupy so much of your daily thoughts, nor engaged in a nonsensical conflict with your colleagues. You chose to hide your true self from Anne and reveal your weaknesses.

chapter_4__eros_and_psyche_400-So, is it all my fault because I got too absorbed in trivialities, and withdrew my attention from my spouse and family?

“Doug, no relationship failure is always to be blamed on one person. Anne herself had her own issues that she chose to ignore, plus she did not think appropriate to discuss them with you. All she wanted was “the fairy-tale”, that societal norm that most conservative people abide to. But once she got it, she was not willing to transform with the relationship, rather resulted in trying to control it, for things to remain the same,” calmly explained Fin.

The two now returned to their initial conversational positions. One sitting comfortably in the black armchair, as the other was lying sideways on bed, with the sheet around his body, facing his interlocutor as he was supported by the pillow. They both failed to observe the brightness coming from the window, as the sole star in the sky was approaching during their debate.

-You simply wanted different things in life Doug. You were more experienced, have had several other partners before Anne and unlike her, you wanted to continue to evolve as a human being, enjoying more experiences in life.

Doug paused for a while, before resuming his argumentation. “We drifted apart, is that what you are saying. Then, how could we ever restore what we were aiming for in the first place?”

-You have never really got to know each other Doug. Anne was too shy to allow herself to explore her own sexuality with you. And you, instead of trying to unlock her inhibitions, preferred to continue your own experimentation with other women, on the path you were before you met your wife.

Additionally, neither of you allowed the other to see the real you, your dark side. If you do not share your secrets with the one you chose to share your life with, your passions, weaknesses, kinks in the bedroom, then your connections resembles more of those of two friends, but not lovers. It is too casual to be strong enough to endure, not intimate enough. In other words, you both failed because you were holding back; in everything.

Sex is a decisive factor, primarily because it separates your connection from those which you maintain with other humans. Intimacy is what defines and solidifies your bond, although it is not the sole ingredient and as time passes, it can be replaced with other things, such as common interests, your love for the offspring and so on.

“However, the sexual urges never leave most people, and there comes a time that you must evaluate if they will define and remain in your marriage, or the latter can be transformed into a new arrangement, thus entering a new level,” says Fin, while he intensifies his stare to Doug.

“You are talking about the so called “open relationships” or infidelity, neither being something that Anne would consider or accept as appropriate. It is just not in her mentality or character, she was not brought up with these options as admissible,” Doug quickly replies with a dismissive manner.

-I am aware of this, but this is the reason why most marriages break. People are unwilling or afraid to embrace their own sexuality, or that of their partner’s. They run away from their own very nature, instead of exploring and developing it, ideally together with the person they seemingly love.

“Or the occasional addition of others, if this fails,” playfully adds Fin. “Life-long fidelity is another self-inflicted paradox of humans, which demands two people to be exclusive to each other, when the spark between them is clearly gone, or even worse, was never there to begin with. People enter a marriage for various reasons and sometimes they overlook how compatible they are, in the physical department. They can either work on this problem, dissolve their union, or allow the periodic personal exploration with a different partner,” he continues.

-Fin, things are not as easy in real life, you got your family judging you, financial decisions to make about a break-up, kids involved. And infidelity can lead… Well you know where it ended in my case.

-But you did not just enjoy the “occasional” experience Doug. You became addicted to sex itself. This type for extramarital “fun”, is prescribed to a person as a way to explore and unlock their own sexuality by discovering new things, before they apply or share their new experiences with their partner, strengthening their bond.

“A sex act can be one of the most tangible ways of connecting or manifesting your bond, with another human being. If it is done under certain conditions mind you. Human sexuality is as important as the food you eat, or the water you drink. The latter nourishes your physical body, while the first is part of who you are, it cannot be suppressed,” Fin explains.

-For purely religious or philosophical reasons, you have chosen to inflict control over one of your most basic instincts. This is unnatural and you know it. Yet, you maintain the misplaced theory, that if you succeed in repressing your deep rooted, primeval need, you get rid of your sins, you animalistic side in an effort of becoming one with “god”. Or saving a marriage, because otherwise, “what will society think of us”.

“But as I have explained to you, things that you suppress, end up hiding in darkness, lurking in the shadows. They can never go away, until you acknowledge them and bring them into the light. In other words, your instincts that you so much are trying to control, become your demons, obsessions, and bottled-up emotions. The more you avoid them, they prevail,” describes Fin.

-I come from the place that you are trying to conceal your desires, in fact I am comprised by them Doug. They must be conceded, or they will end up torturing you. You will never be able to become “one with god,” if you keep avoiding your own demons. Only when you practice and embrace them, or bring them out to the open, it is when you make peace with these sentiments and you can let them go. Then they either leave you, or you learn to manage them and continue to a more spiritual path.

-So, what were my “demons” Fin, what was I trying to hide from myself or Anne, that got so angry at me when I tried to repress it and ended up possessing me.

Fin shivered and slowly morphed into a most voluptuous female figure, with curly, long red hair, hourglass tall body, curvy hips, and generous bosom. The skin of his new shape was white with rosy fleshy lips, fingertips, and nipples, which they protruded from the perfectly shaped, peachy breasts.

His clothing shapeshifted into a black laced, floral seamless patterned, full bodied garment, tight on the skin and revealing every detail of his new body. With length until his ankles and wrists, it maintained a V-shaped opening in the front torso area, all the way down the bellybutton. It allowed half of the breasts to protrude from it, as the nipples acted as barrier between the naked skin and the laced parts of the body.

“Lucy... Lucy Richardson,” muttered Doug as his eyes widened, expressing his disbelief, surprise, and awe. His face flared up with the same emotions, as his jaw dropped leaving his mouth open for a while.

Soon after, the green-eyed, diamond-faced woman, lifted herself from the armchair and slowly, sensually, with narrow strides started moving towards Doug, as she swayed her body. After she cat-walked closer and sat right next to him, she reclined towards his body, bringing her face and bosom within a breathing distance.

Her hands were supporting her body by being placed either side of Doug’s, avoiding touching him. For a while, the two stared at each other, as he was conquered by a bitter feeling of regret and loss, mixed with passion and desire. His eyes were inquisitive of her familiar features, yet he did not fail to notice Fin’s distinctive liquid irises, staring back at him.

Nevertheless, the chemistry between the two figures was evident and strong. Doug became short breathed and he tried to relieve his dry mouth by swallowing, allowing the gulping noise to break the prevalent silence and the breathing sounds.

“Hello Doug,” Lucy now whispered teasingly, almost as if she was punishing and playing with her victim, which she was about to devour.

Doug slowly lifted his right hand and attempted caressing her, but as soon as he placed it on her shoulder, her skin started flaking, blown like burned paper up in the air, before returning and joining the rest of her body. The black substance was being absorbed, once it landed anywhere on her skin.

Doug was left desperate and bewildered. Lucy then tried to copy his intentions, by placing her porcelain white hand onto his hairy masculine chest. Instantly it cracked and started breaking apart, as it turned into a dark, flaky substance like ash, before being reabsorbed by the rest of her body.

“What is happening,” asked Doug in fear and anguish as he stared into Lucy’s eyes.

“My dear, have you ever seen light and shadow unifying or joining each other? We cannot touch, just as darkness cannot mix with the luminous source it created it. You still belong to the light Doug; you are still alive,” Lucy replies as she smiles.

She then moved back slightly, to place herself on the side of him, but within an arm’s distance, as her body was restored. “From all the negative human sentiments I ever had to experience during my eternal life, this one is the cruellest, soul destroying and most torturing; unrequited love,” she painfully admits as she looks at Doug with her eyes now welling up with emotion, for the first time.

“You never really loved Anne, it was always Lucy,” states Fin louder now and with authority, as he shapeshifts back into his initial form. “You settled with Anne because you could never have the one your truly loved. That is your truth. You moved away from rejection, to find refuge into the arms of a kind woman, who although she was keen to have you, she was unable to connect with you,” he continues.

Doug was left speechless after the experience and he sought a brief solace, by placing his face into the palms of his own hands. He tried to erase his encounter with Lucy, by bringing Anne’s picture into his mind. That black and short, wavy haired woman with earthy beauty, kind expressive brown eyes and pear-shaped body. He appreciated her, yet he was unable to make her happy.

It was perhaps because of Lucy, the woman who Doug had a brief, whirlwind affair with, that Anne’s efforts to win his heart failed. While he wanted to settle down with the red-haired love of his life, her priorities were different.

She moved to Europe with her other lover, a French businessman to his home country. She has decided that staying behind for Doug, could never offer her the life she dreamed of. Consequently, pushing Doug right to the arms of Anne, fulfilling her dreams, at least briefly.

 ***********************

The painting: Eros and Psyche that accompanies the text, is Christos Mouzeviris’ creation.

***********************

Fin Elegy
Chapter 1: The Visitor. Part 1 - Part 2

Chapter 2: Fin's Theory. Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Chapter 3: About Doug. Part I - Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 1- Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 5: Jenny. Part 1 - Part 2  - Part 3

 Epilogue

 


   
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