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Fin Elegy - Chapter 3: About Doug. Part III Fin Elegy - Chapter 3: About Doug. Part III
by Christos Mouzeviris
2021-01-24 11:42:37
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-That is not the point Doug. You had the habit of viewing everyone as a potential threat, even when they posed none against you, or you had nothing to gain from yet another conflict. Your subconscious anger, plus other underlined unresolved childhood trauma turned you into a toxic individual. You just could not let go of the past and you ruined your future.

“Dear me. After I am being lectured on how the universe works, now I am being reminded of all the people I have wronged during my life. Is this what is all about Fin, I didn’t say “sorry” to them and now I am being punished,” Doug shouts with sarcasm, as he supports his body by leaning his left arm against the cold window.

-Doug, you are not here to repent for your mistakes or “sins”, but to understand how your behaviour towards others, contributed to your own downfall. You were so enthralled by your competitiveness, that you often forgot to enjoy the simple things in life, or your time with friends and family.

What you people call a “sin”, is nothing more than a severe disruption of the balance of things. When you are addicted to any substance, sex, food, or gambling, you enter this state of chaos. Although sex or food by themselves are completely natural for humans, an excess of them can either indicate an ailment in your physical or mental health.

chapter_3__free_thoughts_400Just as a virus can make your body ill, so can any obsessive vice, negative emotion like fear, hate or envy, can poison your psyche and bring havoc to your inner balance and thus ultimately, to those around you. A “sin” is any action which needs to be acknowledged, brought out from the darkness, and be cleansed into the light.

If you continue denying it or its existence, then it will haunt your and will become your “demon”. There are not winged, horned entities out there Doug, your demons are simply your own negative feelings and thoughts, unresolved issues that are kept hidden by your subconscious, trying desperately to be free and come to the light.

“They will never leave you in peace but keep torturing you, until you face and acknowledge them. And as long as you avoid this, the darkness will gradually take over your soul, so you will become the demon that others will fear, as a human or in your afterlife ” adds Fin, before pausing as he awaited for Doug’s response.

“So, you are saying that my own “demons” are causing me to be over competitive and terrible to other people,” asks Doug as he lowers his head and voice. He is now looking down at his bare feet, resting his forehead against the window. He is yet to notice, that the tiny flickering starlight in the pitch-black sky, seems now to be getting closer and brighter.

- Can you acknowledge them; do you know their origin and cause?

-I guess… I was never proud of my upbringing. Others belittled me as I was growing up, for the actions of my own father. You cannot call this fair. I always felt vulnerable and in need to keep proving myself, that I was anything but him. Anyone who was as good, or even better than me was a threat and I had to constantly defend myself against their actions.

Doug pauses for a while, while keeping his gaze low. He never admitted this to anyone before, not even to himself. Growing up as a man in a conservative family, there was simply no room for weakness or expression of one’s feelings.

Fin approaches closer to him, looks at the glowing star before turning towards him. “You are not responsible for nobody else’s actions, but your own. Not even your parents’. A child is not brought into life, to fulfil the needs of its predecessors or their dreams, nor to atone them for their mistakes. You have your own path to follow and you initially did very well.”

-People who belittle others or are highly critical of them, were often treated the same way at some stage in their lives. Remember your former boss, George Klein? You used to spend days being angry at the way he treated you in the office.

Little did you know that the man was as threatened by you, as you were by John. Not because you had any potential to oust him from his position, but he was simply afraid of the light in your spirit. You were young, ambitious, capable, enthusiastic, and honest back then, as he was once.

You enjoyed life and you had many years in front of you, with the ability and drive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true. He could see this. That is why he wanted to control and manipulate you, clip your wings and make you see things his own way, which was very twisted, bitter, and dark.

Under the façade of happiness and success, which he chose to present to the world, was hiding a very sad and insecure individual, a real demon. His marriage was in tatters, his career was not the one he really aspired to, and his relationship with his friends was superficial; he was empty inside.

-The only people who he had influence over was his employees. Whatever it was that he could not control in his own life, he desired to apply onto people who relied on their job to make a living. These individuals need others to fight them back, it gives them a purpose in life.

They feed from the misery they cause, the energy others waste to constantly defend themselves. Only then they feel they have achieved something, they are somebody. There is no point to engage in such battles Doug.

“You allowed this man to mutilate your soul and, in the end, he won; he turned you into a version of himself. Understand that a person who is always at war with others, ultimately is at war with himself. And that is not healthy,” describes Fin emphatically.

“Easy for you to say Fin, you never had to work to make a living. You know in real life and our own human existence, we have often no choice over who or what we have to put up with,” Doug voices abruptly.

-True. But you always have a choice not to repeat what is done to you, on others. Like you did to John. “Love each other,” and “do not do unto others, if you don’t want others do unto you”. Now where is that Christian upbringing of yours Doug.

-So, is this what is all about, solely my interactions and relations with others were dysfunctional, thus I lost my way in life? “Can this process end now, come what may,” reluctantly asks Doug, as he finally notices the star becoming brighter on the horizon.

“When it is over, you will know,” answers Fin as he tries to reach out to Doug and touch him but withholds his hand, only inches from his shoulder.

-You must understand that you are not your family, nor your carry anybody else’s legacy but your own. That if you have the option to leave a toxic environment or situation to preserve the purity of your spirit and peace of mind, then that is the path you need to take.

In addition, that happiness sometimes is found in the most unexpected and humble things, not by seeking everyone’s attention and approval; they will always have power over you with their judgement.

It is ok to try everything in life, but in moderation. It is part of your growth and search for your inner truth and spirit. Where you went wrong with this, was when you got addicted to the search and lost your destination. Substances poisoned your mind and thus, altered your judgement and priorities, pushing you further into darkness.

“Finally, Doug other people cannot make you happy, only you are responsible for this. However, you ought to still be connected to them, ultimately understanding their intentions or needs. It is only when you truly connect, or loving another special to your heart person, that you can ever get close to the “divine,” or “god” if you prefer. And this is where you still got lots to learn,” says Fin emphatically.  

***********************

The painting: Free Thoughts that accompanies the text, is Christos Mouzeviris’ creation.

***********************

Fin Elegy
Chapter 1: The Visitor. Part 1 - Part 2

Chapter 2: Fin's Theory. Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Chapter 3: About Doug. Part I - Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 1- Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 5: Jenny. Part 1 - Part 2  - Part 3

 Epilogue

 


   
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