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Fin Elegy - Chapter 3: About Doug. Part II Fin Elegy - Chapter 3: About Doug. Part II
by Christos Mouzeviris
2021-01-17 11:17:51
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Back in the cold and now dark room, Fin was observing Doug’s expression on his face, as it obliqued pain and sadness. His eyes were withdrawn, with brows as if desperate to join and reach each other, diagonally creasing his forehead.

Sensing Fin observing him, Doug lowers his head and turns it slightly towards his companion in bed. His arms clutch the white bedsheet tightly around his body. In a whispering voice, he decided to break the silence.

chapter_3__free_thoughts_400-I messed up. I do not know how, but I lost control.

-You just used the right word Doug. Control. All your life you were trying to control things and people, achieve more, be the best and above others. Because you knew how it felt being at the bottom. Or what you perceive this to be as such. And that is where you and all humanity fail in many things.

“Life clearly teaches you that everything is about circles and balance. Some individuals begin their lives privileged and with strong foundations, others in a disadvantaged position. It does not have to stay that way; like in nature, the cyclic changes are inevitable. And I do not want to sound too cliché, but success and happiness are not about power or status,” describes Fin.

-You proved yourself when you broke the mould of your humble upbringing, that alone should have given you enough confidence to continue on the right path you followed.

- Is it a sin or shame to want more Fin, a hybris to seek further development in your life, expand your horizons, experience things you never had the chance when you were a kid. I do not blame my parents… Especially my mother for anything. My father could have done better, you can at least agree to that.

“I was intoxicated with life, I wanted to live it all, to be someone that for a change other people would be envious of, just as I was always of others,” says Doug emphatically as he releases his arms from the bedsheet, allowing it to drop down his waist .

-Envy Doug, is a very negative feeling. You should never seek to incite it in people’s hearts. Mind you even if you do nothing, others will find something to be envious of. But the wise attitude, is to do things that really make you happy and for your own good. You do not have to constantly prove yourself to others.

Envy is one of your most primitive sentiments, it existed in your early ancestors, thus it is deep routed in your psyche. It helped you survive as a species. Once an individual discovered a new tool or way of doing things, others quickly copied it and soon it became common knowledge or practice, bettering the lives of early humans.

In many cases though, that new discovery caused war, a fight among the members of a clan, or even the death of the individual that was the first to introduce it. You see, competitiveness, vanity, greed, power mongering and envy, although can initially motivate, they are also destructive and intoxicating feelings.

-Fin, I am aware of all this, I was raised a Catholic you know.

“All your religions are teaching you the same qualities, to be humble and kind to each other, they are preaching love, forgiveness and altruism. And what do you do? Quite the opposite,” Fin interrupts abruptly Doug.

-You just cannot simply escape your dark side. It is unnatural, not matter what your priests tell you. You are part matter, part energy. Flesh and soul, animal and spirit. And as I have explained to you, you cannot separate these two.

-So, you are telling me that there is no salvation, no get away from sin. Then why must we repent or ask forgiveness and what is the point of all this process? What must be our outlook to live a happy life Fin.

-Doug, you do not understand the meaning of “sin”. Your religious leaders wanted to subdue your animalistic nature, turn you into more obedient beings, tame you, manage and balance your cohabitation and create more liveable societies. Without this development, no human civilization could ever be achieved. You would just kill each other, every time a scuffle broke out.

The problem is that once they got the power, they themselves lost control of it and turned tyrannical. They allowed their dark side to take over, thus the balance of everything was lost. “Sin” does not constitute a punishable act, which a man needs to avoid in order to enter the heavenly state that we discussed earlier. Most things are allowed in moderation, as it is part of your development as beings.

No one is out there in the afterlife, who will ultimately be judging you if you had sex before you married, or if you cheated on your wife. If you tried drugs or told a lie and how many times. These are man-imposed rules, according to a self-inflicting and false morality, which stems purely out of cultural and societal beliefs developed over the millennia. And quite frankly, they are often outdated and nonsensical. Their aim is to purely control and limit you.

“A soul loses its pureness once it relinquishes the balance of things. The cosmic, divine light abandons a human body, once it becomes toxic, unclean not by its occasional actions, but by their repetitiveness, the refusal to acknowledge its dark side and true self, be cleansed and evolve into a better version,” Fin explains.

-All this sound a bit new-age and I am not sure I get the point. So why I am doing here and what happens next if I die?

-We will get to the possibility of death eventually Doug. Right now, we must focus on your life.

-Fin, I am here in this realm for some time now. I have been lectured for hours about all things metaphysical and philosophical by you. But I still do not feel any closer in understanding the point of all this. When will this end?

Doug got out of the bed, stood up for a while, before walking around it and headed towards the window. He kept the white sheet, thrown casually over half of his body like a himation. To his awe, there were no more city lights, no urban noises or sign of any life outside. Just a vast thick darkness, merely broken by a weak flickering starlight, coming from afar. In a peculiar way, this was enough to illuminate the room, just as before.

Fin remained in bed, observing Doug, and giving him some space to process it all. They both chose to remain silent for a while, as if they needed a break. Doug realized finally that he was in limbo, nowhere in reality apart from his own subconscious mind. He took some time thinking back on Fin’s dictations.

“What did you mean when you said that the cosmic light abandons a human body, when it refuses to accept its dark side and true self,” Doug suddenly asks Fin, in an almost authoritarian voice, as he still looks outside the window towards the void.

-Remember when life was treating you well for a while before you met Anne. You were not aware of why you adopted such demeanour towards everyone, you believed that being that arrogant, driven individual was a sign of strength, while in fact was a sign of your insecurity and weakness.

Recollect how you treated some of your colleagues, or reacted to your former employers and managers. That primitive desire to control or dominate, even if it offered you nothing, apart perhaps the satisfaction of winning.

“Think about John Metcalfe, and the feud between the two of you. And question why you had to go into such effort and sabotage his work, when it was clear that none of you had the slightest chance of getting that position; your employer had already arranged it for his son,” Fin calmly reminded Doug, as it was his turn to leave the bed and head for the window.

As he approached, his long black gown morphed into his previous outfit, while Doug turned his head towards him and with a whispering voice, he muted his former colleagues’ name. “John Metcalfe.”

-I guess we did not like each other, but why does it matter. It is not as if the guy was a saint himself.

***********************

The painting: Free Thoughts that accompanies the text, is Christos Mouzeviris’ creation.

***********************

Fin Elegy
Chapter 1: The Visitor. Part 1 - Part 2

Chapter 2: Fin's Theory. Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Chapter 3: About Doug. Part I - Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 4: Loving Doug. Part 1- Part 2 - Part 3 

Chapter 5: Jenny. Part 1 - Part 2  - Part 3

 Epilogue

 


    
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