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Dating French men and women
by Joseph Gatt
2018-12-12 09:22:00
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A man or a woman is an entire world to itself, but here are a few generalizations about dating French men and women.

Dating French women

-Going on dates is not common in France. What French women will do is take you aside where no one can see you two and ask you “do you want to go out with me?” If you say yes, then the two of you kiss and you are officially a couple. No need to impress her over dinner.

-French women find dates, as in going to the restaurant, superficial. You may want to substitute restaurant with going for a walk, visiting a museum, going to a concert, going camping, visiting a forest or garden, visiting a chocolate factory, whatever. Of course the more you know about music, art, plants, flowers, chocolates or sweets, the better.

fre01_400-Don't try to impress her with knowledge of Steven Spielberg, Andy Warhol, Dan Brown, Justin Bieber or Lindt chocolate. She will expect you to be a lot more well rounded than that. She might blame you for not knowing stuff. You need to know a little bit about plants, flowers, chocolate and sweets, food and cuisine, literature (they find non-fiction of little interest), cinema (including European cinema), music (a little of every genre) and art (classical and modern artists) and of course travel. Politics will bore her to death, except for Presidential elections.

-She wants you to have your own life. Be a member of associations, do a little bit of volunteer work, join different circles. She will feel threatened if you're the kind of guy who stays home and does nothing. But then if you're absent too much she will miss you.

-Unfortunately, French women can be good at telling lies. The most frequent lies are about their ethnic background (ethnicity means a great deal to French people) about her social background (she might claim all sorts of things about her ancestry that are not true) and about her job (she might claim she's at a higher position than she actually is). She might also tell lies about reading certain books she has not read, going to expositions she has not been to, travelling to countries she has never been to, or speaking languages she does not speak. And she will be mad at you for questioning her claims.

-She will be judgmental about religion. Either she's secular and to her any manifestation of religion is stupid, including prayer or reading scriptures. Or she's a Catholic and anything that is not Catholic will be ridiculed. Or she's an Evangelic Christian and anyone who does not belong to her Church is doing the wrong thing. She will be very sharp in her criticism about other religions.

-She will be evasive about a lot of things. She won't tell you exactly where she has been or what she has done. She might carefully control your relations with her family or friends, and she might refuse to introduce you to her family or friends. You will probably meet her family a few weeks before the wedding.

-When proposing, getting down on one knee and offering a ring is superficial to them. Most French men propose via text message, or on a Christmas card at the bottom of the greetings, or with some form of riddle. Marriage is not mandatory in France, and she could be one of those women who do not want to get married, ever.

-Watch your appearance in public. Dress well, don't eat in the streets, don't chew gum and if possible don't get drunk in public.

-Watch the food you offer her. She probably hates fast food. Don't order pizza over the weekend. Cook a refined meal, watch YouTube tutorial videos if necessary. Don't make the meal too sweet, too salty or too greasy. Don't use too many spices, and use lots of vegetables. Dessert is mandatory; carve fruits if you can't come up with ideas. If you take her out to a restaurant, carefully do your research. Don't buy 3 dollar wine or 50 cent cheese. Do your research about wine and cheese as well.

-Finally, French women are notorious for being irritable and actually enjoy contradiction, debates, complaining and yelling. Watch French television and all you will see is people contradicting and yelling at each other. Play along and yell back. You two might as well be saying “yes, no, yes, no” but French women like their heated discussions. Don't cave in, stick to your position. She will admire you for that. 

Dating French men

-French men might refuse to ask you out until they are sure you have the same feelings for them. They are afraid of rejection. If you reject them, make sure you console them. Tell them they will find a person that fits them, and all that.

-On a date, they might take you to the craziest places without necessarily asking for your permission. Dates can include spending a weekend volunteering on a farm or at a radical Communist youth camp. A restaurant and a movie? That's too superficial for them.

-French men love their causes. They will try to convince you to join them volunteer at orphanages, refugee camps, soup kitchens or farms. They probably belong to some kind of political party, or help political parties in one way or another.

-French men like using big words. Don't pause and ask that what the big word meant. They will make it sound like you should know what that word means.

-French men like their parties. Weekends could see a succession of friends come over for food and drinks. Be prepared to help in the kitchen.

-French men take ethnicity very seriously. They are nationalistic, and expect everyone else to be nationalistic. If they like a foreign country, they could claim (falsely) to have ancestors from that country. If they like Spanish food they will invent a Spanish grandfather.

-France has elite schools. Elite schools in France are nothing special, just a succession of courses on how to get rich quick. If your French man went to an elite school, he will have been brainwashed into thinking he's a nobody if he's not a millionaire. Most French men are rather relaxed about money.

-French men tend to love their politics. It's not the distant observer kind of politics. They will tend to have a political affiliation and heavily criticize those who are not from their political affiliation.

-France has many introverts. Your man could be an introvert. Getting him to say anything will be very complicated.

-French men tend to love their complete meals. Don't feed them fast food. You want salad, soup, a main dish, and dessert.

-French men are no big fans of gossip. If you have ill feelings toward someone, they will tell you to brush them off. They are good secret keepers and can spend years without revealing compromising information on someone.

-French men tend to have their secrets and could reveal shocking information years after you start dating. “You mean you really dated my best friend for three years before we started dating?” Yes, could be that shocking.

-Finally, French men like their heated debates and arguments. The kind of debates that really don't go anywhere and that are hard to follow. You could end up wondering why you started arguing in the first place.

Cultural notes on dating French men and women

-The French believe that when you turn 18, you are basically no longer part of the family. I know it's a strange concept, but the French can be almost cold with their families after they turn 18. Don't expect his or her parents' blessings, their parents won't care that you two are dating. Don't expect his family to help you out with anything.

-The French have an elite school system. At elite schools, courses are not advanced or complicated. However at elite schools they teach you that if you are not rich and famous you are a failure. If you date one of those alpha men or women, expect them to be very ambitious, and almost narcissistic.

-The French can be very jealous and possessive. Try not to act like you're better than everyone else, and try not to cheat on your partner, if possible avoid having friends from the opposite sex. However, as French women get older and less sexually active, they tend to feel guilty for their husbands. Then, she might suggest you go get yourself a mistress, but might expect you to say you still love her and are happy with her.

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