I’m tired of disciplining. In my wills and my fears. In my thoughts, my feelings, to impose the musts.
But that’s how it goes with loners, my friend. They can lever let go.
At nights they hide the knife under the pillow and hold it tight. These lonely souls can never rest.
I want so much to let go, not to care. To eat, drink and have fun. To get drunk and tear myself into pieces. To get sick and then heal.
I want to see how it feels not to care. How it feels letting go. But I know I never will.
I am a soul travelling alone. And lonely souls never stop to discipline. In their wills and their fears. In their thoughts and dreams. The musts will always impose.
“I have to eat well. I have to sleep. I have to be okay. I have to be careful. I have to take care of myself! No one will. I have to be strong. Be strong…”