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Eureka: How to treat people with respect Eureka: How to treat people with respect
by Akli Hadid
2017-12-22 11:48:46
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I've seen my fair share of people who treat other people with a lot of respect. And my fair share of people who seem to disrespct a lot of the people they meet. I've done a few mistakes at times (we all do) but here's a list of things we all occasionally do that probably aren't very respectful.

First meetings

resoec01_400You need to bring the best out of the people you meet for the first time. This means you need to get them to talk about what the best thing is about them, not what the best thing is about you. Don't ask people “how do you like my city?” or “how do you like my food.” Ask them what they do, how they do it and what their philosophy is about life. Eventually respect is a two way street and you also need to get them to ask you what is is that you do and what your philosophy is about life.

Don't force people to praise you. But don't ask people who don't praise you on a second date. Go to a second meeting only if you have to. But no second dates.

Second meetings

It's always good to remember what the person told you during the first meeting and to apologize if you don't remember some of what they said. But they should also remember a lot of what you told them, all though they might have memory lapses as well. You still need to bring the best out of the person, and they still need to bring the best out of you.

Common mistakes in first and second meetings include:

-Not asking the person any question (happens quite a lot and can cause distress in the person you meet). At least ask them what they do in life and where they want to be headed and center the conversation around that.

-Being judgemental about anything the person does (their accent, their job, their background, origins, religion, their alma mater or lack thereof, perhaps their difficulties with speech or their choices or tastes in life.)

-Not noticing or putting forward their interesting choices, background or talent (most people like to be noticed for something.)

-Criticizing their personality type (some are shy, others are more extroverted, some are formal, others more informal.)

Where a third date is not necessary

-If the person did any of the mistakes I describe above repeatedly.

-If the person engages in a monologue, to the point they almost fail to notice your existence.

-If the person is not reacting to the stories you are telling them.

-If the person can't tell a story or answer basic questions like how their day was.

-If the person continuously uses euphemisms, forms of speech, allegories, innuendoes or is not being direct.

-If the person's stories keep changing or seem to come out of a movie scene.

-If the person says “I could write a book about my life.”

-If the person is constantly talking about corruption, genocide, wars, sex scandals and how politicians are failing this country. Most people in this category will tell you something along the lines of “we're being scammed but I'm smart enough to sniff out the scam so this is all we should talk about, only stupid people don't talk about these topics.”

-If the person seems to have anger management problems.

Future meetings

These rules apply to future meetings as well. Some people like to tell me that first impressions are the most important. Or that the start of a relationship is the most important. First impressions are not the most important. Every impression is important. You need to make a good first, second, third, fourth, fifth and Nth impression. The mere notion of impression can be misleading. You shouldn't work on making impressions, you should work on being a good and respectful person. But one thing I like to tell people is that respect is contagious. If you do what I describe above, other people will start imitating you and you will make your small contribution to a better world. 


     
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